I'm not sure when it happened.

Maybe it was when I finally decided that rocking Peaches' self-declared 'hard-core female aggression shit' was wearing thin, and swapped out some happier, mellower vibes with Blues Traveler's first CD and Skeletons from the Closet, Best of The Grateful Dead.

Maybe it's the gradual effect of seeing all these random Scarface trinkets in every convenience store, eroding any sense of style and modernity from my fashion sense.

Whatever the cause, it happened.

I am wearing a Jerry Garcia Collector's Edition tie.

It has emerged from its long, now semi-, retirement.

Maybe it was the challenge of selecting something to harmonize with a blue-on-blue striped shirt.

Maybe it was the sleep deprivation. I stayed up until 2:45 working, slept until 4:44 (my daily alarm), got some coffee, and napped on the couch from 5:15 until 7:15.

Not good for creativity.

It's not that I don't like the Garcia tie. It's a nice mellow palette that really works with a lot of difficult patterns.

It's distinctive.

Surely anyone who sees me today and knows shit about men's fashion will know that I had nothing better available.

And it's the cut. The fabric is very nice, but it's got that traditional cut that resists a strong, bold knot, which I prefer. It's a little too short. I prefer longer ties - not for the penis symbolism (I'm quite confident, thank you, and I need neither a long tie nor a handgun to compensate), but for the added fabric that let's me tie a half windsor with confidence that the result won't end above my navel.

And it's a little too thin. Even the four in hand produces a smallish knot that is difficult to dimple.

Maybe it's the year I've been away from Larimer Square, the 16th Street Mall and Cherry Creek North. Maybe my sense of style is slowly dying; slowly being replaced with a growing tolerance for t-shirts emblazoned with some random saying.

Like I saw all the time in high school.

And like I see all the time now.

Where has my style gone?

My writing dried up long ago. This little snippet is the best creative thing I've done in years.

And it sucks, too.

I had a panic attack yesterday afternoon. Or maybe it was heart palpitations caused by low blood sugar levels since I didn't eat anything all day and I hardly sleep anymore.

But hey, heart palpitations or no, panic attacks or no, I've lost over 20 pounds in the last 5 months. Can't say for sure whether that's a healthy thing, given the root causes for the loss.

I need to end this endless ramble.

If you see me, don't laugh at my tie. At least not where I can hear you.

Try on your wings and find out where it's at.